Ask The Expert : Is She Really Into You?
Posted: 11th Dec 2009 Author: Michelle Penny Topics: Ask The Expert
Dear Emily,
I have been with my girlfriend for 5 months. I am really into her, but she never seems to be where she says she will be. She almost never answers her cell phone when I call and usually says her phone didn’t even ring. Every time there is a party or gathering, she doesn’t invite me and always has a reason why she has to go alone. I am constantly paranoid that something is going on. She insists that everything is fine and my friends think I am over-reacting. Am I??
Thanks!
Elizabeth
Dear Elizabeth,
You are absolutely not over-reacting. Actually, you are practically under-reacting! Why are you insisting on being a chump? This is infuriating to hear that people allow themselves to be treated this way and think it may be “normal”. You need to talk to your girlfriend and let her know that she needs to respect you and this relationship. I am always surprised by the amount of women that think this behavior is tolerable. She knows exactly what you are putting up with and how to work you over into believing her. She rarely answers her phone and doesn’t take you to parties? Sign me up!
Tell her that you are on to her as well as the fact that she is hiding something (and I promise that she is). Until you do that, she will continue to think you are the most gullible human being on the face of the earth. I cannot advise you to leave her or not but I will tell you that if you stay, you may as well get a pillow and curl up on her doormat.
You have got to stand up for yourself immediately. Is your self-esteem so low that you actually think that this is okay? This is not right, normal, good or healthy. You deserve better and the only problem is that you don’t see that. Look, there are women out there with working cell phones that will be proud to bring you to a party. Settling for less is not an option.
Dear Emily,
My girlfriend is very close with her ex. I know they are no longer attracted to each other sexually, but I know they had a great connection and I feel like I will never measure up. How can I deal with their friendship without feeling like a third wheel?
Thanks,
Alicia
Dear Alicia,
Please remember that her ex is her ex for a reason. If you feel like a third wheel, don’t hang out with them; take up tennis. However, we draw very strong connections with people throughout our lives and rarely know why. Your girlfriend and her ex may have some sort of bond that may be conducive to their growth. As well do the two of you! It is simply that every relationship is different (we hope!).
What does “measuring up” mean, anyway? The only person you need to measure up to is you. Comparing yourself to anyone is completely insane. When we compare, we suffer. Always. No sense in feeling like a third wheel, go out with your own friends and have a good time. If you can’t tolerate it, you can always request that they don’t see each other anymore (and you do have that right), but it seems harmless. And besides, if you’re secure then your girlfriend will take notice and appreciate the freedom.
Or just ask them to have a threesome and see if your girlfriend doesn’t feel a sudden connection with you.
